Who’s for who? (Guest post by Raph Meade)

Raphael Meade

I was gonna do this as a video blogg, but because my beauty has faded (feeling run down right now) I decided to spare you the pain of a dreadful sight. Flitting through the journal, date 28th March 2016. The entry is ‘who will pair up with whom?? Yes, just 5 days in and those randy buggers can’t wait to sort out pairing up. Sex has already been mentioned by two individuals. Dare I say their names? Well one hunts and the other is “I Don’t wanna be that guy.” I think that’s enough of a clue. Can you believe one has even voiced how he has been “wanking in the woods!!” I kid you not. I was even asked if I had brought condoms!?! Me!!! Are you mad? How would that go down with my wife watching at home? Defo loss of nuts on my return.

Anyway. The first of the birthdays is today. Rachel. And what a pleasant night it was. 22 of us performing a few minutes of entertainment for her. It was one of the better nights of drinking. Thing is, the drinking an eating are having strange effects on us, well, me at least.

Waste. Yes, that stuff that comes out the ‘back end.’ It has been caramel in colour with a soft texture, and I can’t stop farting! I am at a point where it is a little dangerous to ‘break wind as you can never be too sure what will come out!! Also, this day, I have noted that I actually miss food. I have always believed food to be an inconvenience to my day. Now I have it as number 3 in my list of importance – seeing, breathing, eating. Who’d have thought eh lol.

Day 7. 30th March and I have it that my hands are swollen. I washed my ‘dutty’ clothes today. In cold water. No! Ice cold water! That’s why my bloody hands hurt. The upside of this day is Chef Steve made what I STILL consider to be the best sausages I have ever had. They were so good that had I dropped them in poo, I’d have picked them up, rinsed them off and eaten them same way. I must ad that there is the element of hunger that makes you think this way. Today is also only the second time I have been completely naked. 7 days and my first ‘all over’ wash.  It’s too rartid cold to take off all your clothes unnecessarily, and as I have 4% body fat I feel it more so than some of these hard cases here.

31st March and I note that I wished I had brought more tools that would have made life easier. It is now I start to feel production had let me down with poor quality of information. I had believed that everyone would have tools of their given trade and I stupidly thought all would have a trade of some description. Hmm. Me and Titch are the only ones with what can be classed as proper tools, but I’ll save that discussion for another blogg entry.

I shall end by telling you of our visual first show of hunger. 31st March and a pig has been killed. Chef Steve has done a tremendous job and left a pile of boiled bones for us to gnaw on. These bones have been chewed by two separate groups of people before us and STILL we attack them like wild caged beasts. It is now clear to me that I am a UK black man and not a ‘Yard’ black man? A Yardy would have eaten the bones too in the same way they chomp through sugar cane. I tried the sugar cane once an nearly lost my teeth. Yeah, us London Blacks are not built the same way as proper ‘Yard man dem.’ Nuff for now.

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